Little snips...

Dear Santa...

If you can't beat em...

Torture Museum...?

Why did we go and see this? What on earth did we think would be in it? It was a short experience but one that ensured we would have neither appetites nor restful sleep for quite a while.

I have always known that humans were cruel, and I knew that the middle ages probably topped the cruelty stakes but my good God, I didn't realise just how horrendous people were to each other.

Mary tries out the grill, this was used red-hot to torture traitors!

We walked around the Torture museum, all of us felt ill and wish we'd stayed away... Thankfully they had no recreations with dummies or any waxworks, because even the pictures depicting the scenes were bad enough.



We learned something though! Apparently if one was to be interrogated for information by the government around the 12th century or so, it was a customary method to place you under a piece of wood on which heavy stones would be put. This is where the saying "to be under pressure" or "putting pressure on" comes from!!!
I was delighted to know that!

"..but, I just can't stop thinking about those poor people..."

Finding Billo!

Today was an adventure! We headed in to the centre on our bikes with plans to visit the Anne Frank House, but suddenly on our way myself and Mary realised we had lost Bill in the hub bub of city life - AND HE HAD JOE!!! It was an impossible situation, my phone was back in the van and I had Bills phone, but I knew he had no change on him and the dutch, from our experience, are not into being over helpful. We had no money, it was midday, I had Joes hat in my bag and so there was nothing for it but to just stop, stay in one place and hope Bill would come by. It was two hours later when I decided to leave Mary with the phone sitting by a monument in the crowd of Dam Square and circle around again. As I came around the side of the palace I saw BILL!!!! Poor Joe was asleep on the back of his bike! Poor Bill was exhausted, and we headed back to find Mary, who had strict instructions not to move.

Oh my throat closed over as we came closer to where I'd left her and saw she was gone, it seemed like forever until I heard her voice calling me. I could have killed her, but it turns out she'd left her spot because a young lad started asking her something in french and she got freaked out...

At that stage we knew the Anne Frank House would have a line a mile long, so we ditched it for some Dutch specialities and cold cold Heineken on Newmarket square...

Steak Tartar! YUM!

Mary hoped there was chocolate sauce in this cake!

There wasn't...

Joe discovers the delights of Chokomel!

Hard to look past it...

Up at the crack of dawn and we were cycling off on our hired bikes. Amsterdam is amazing for cycling, as anyone who has been here will know, more bicycle lanes than car lanes and access all areas! Its so flat as well, cycling was a pleasure. We loved it.So we parked our lovely old bikes near Haarlem and strolled around the city. It is very lovely, tall houses on tree lined streets, canals running every which way and wonderful house boats.
I was enamoured with Amsterdam, couldn't breathe it all in fast enough, it is just so pretty.

That is until you take a wrong turn and end up seeing Amsterdams main attraction. I have to say I've thought long and hard about this and the red light district is something the dutch should be ashamed off. In my naivete, before I came, I thought that the legality of prostitution and drugs here would mean that they were encorporated into normal life. I thought that you would just come across a dark burlesque window of sorts, where beautiful women (from what I'd been told) were coquettishly tempting passers by... I thought that the coffee shops would be what they said on the tin, but also on the menu, if you were into that sort of thing, would be some cigarettes of the gigglyweed variety...
Instead we found ourselves in a hell hole. Cheap tacky coffee shops decorated with drug paraphenalia... Low garish pvc doors lined the alleys, with unhealthy unhappy girls, wearing their underwear, ludely and rawkishly challenging passing men to come in. Porn shops and sex shops showed their wares by confronting you with the worst of it as loudly and brightly as possible (Marys eyes were strictly on her shoes for all of this!) and stag party after stag party lingered, egging each other on to "have a go, mate"...

I have never been anything but completely against the exploitation of women, in any sense, yet I had always thought prostitution being illegal was silly. I thought Holland had it right, decriminalise it, take it above the ground, and make it safe for people to do.
But it doesn't work - it becomes more seedy than it was. Putting a girl for sale in a window makes her nothing but a thing, no matter who does the putting, a pimp or her own volition. Prostitution is the oldest profession, or so they say, it should have a bit more respect than the Netherlands affords it.

At first I thought Amsterdam was lovely, a pretty little place with intelligence and class... then I realised she has her cheap knickers round her ankles, offering her heart and her soul to tourists for a dollar...

I AMsterdam!

We arrived in Amsterdam mid afternoon, and were so relieved to see a signposts for our campsite almost immediately after we dawdled onto the ring road. Driving down a muddy track, lined with rusty clapped out bangers, I was delighted to see a large shiny sign for our site!

I judge campsites now on their signs as you drive in, as it usually reflects the site itself. Big hand painted faded signage on the wall is a bad omen, Big shiny plastic printed sign is good!

As we drove in, the place was buzzing, fantastic reception to greet us, and a great pitch for Birdy to rest her weary tyres... "Is there electricity?" was greeted "Of course but we only have gas in the lower site..." which made me jump for joy! Not one power source but TWO! Not that we can avail of it but its nice that its there!

Clean as a whistle loos and showers... Fantastic eaterie - Look at this for 4.50! There is a lovely little petting zoo beside our pitch, which is great for the kids, and helps them with the awkward friend making! I love this photo of Mary and a goat, the way the goat is looking at the camera cracks me up!

Every night there is a movie, although we had to forgoe watching "From Dusk till Dawn" after the first millisecond - Jesus Tarantino needs therapy!
But, being Amsterdam, there is the scores of people, here to partake in the "I can so I will" tourist culture that begets the city. It was interesting at first, everyone in a kind off festival mode, but then after a while, as we sat having a drink outside in the fresh evening, the tables began to fill up, and the smell of marijuana filled the air... No-one seemed to be concerned, lighting huge joints right beside our tables, and it struck me that even a chain smoker would have more courtesy where children are concerned. Saying that, even a chain smoker lighting ten cigs at once couldn't get anyone else high! The joint smokers didn't care much for the kids, and that is fair enough I suppose, so we left, the smoke thick in the air as their eyes glazed over and conversations dropped to nothing...

Bum Bum Anyone?

This is an ice pop Little M spotted in Germany! It never failed to make me giggle when I saw it on the menus - and I fell around snorting like a pig when I heard Bill, in Munich Zoo, ask "Einen Bum Bum, Bitte?" - oh i nearly died!

Camping...!

I realised today I haven't included much in this blog about the camping side of things, and to be honest, until now we haven't had an opportunity to do more than pull in, sleep, and drive off. One night stops in a campervan are a pain in the rear end, its not practical to unpack, throw out the awning and enjoy the environment, but yet you have to undo car seats and move stuff around to get the beds out. So its a big mess.

The campsites we have been in have been grand up until now, except for the Italian ones, which are smiling rip off places, full of bullshit and for example the one in Florence charged us 49 euro for a bit of a hill (which is always an uncomfortable nightmare in a 35 year old bus!)and we didn't even get electricity! Birdy in Florence, meets a little friend!

The van herself is grand, we've a fridge, cooker and sink and a big double bed and bunks. We have a lovely canopy out front, and comfy camping chairs. Great storage, under seats, overhead and side presses for all our gear (although it can get annoying when you've packed everything to go and the car seat is secured and then you remember you forgot to get something out from underneath!)

The vw campervan is a two night stop vehicle, if you've children, as one nights are just a merry pain in the neck... we haven't enjoyed the one night stops at all! Its too much hassle to undo everything and unpack everything just for sleeping!

Joe Cool...

Our little darling Joe has been so good. He has been nothing but good humoured and sweet for the whole trip... sure he gets pissed off when, for example, we end up doing 8 hours instead of 4 due to traffic jams, getting lost (if your tomtom says go left - GO LEFT!!)and other such shenanigans. He has munched his way through a million packets of bread sticks, a dozen packets of smarties and other things like that! He has a beloved collection of dinky cars that keep him occupied for hours, even looking out the window, for him, is like the best film ever!

Mary has been amazing at keeping him entertained during the ruff patches, reading to him, chatting to him and if all else fails allowing him to push buttons on her beloved DS!

Dusseldorf

The Milan of Germany, thats what the guidebook said... and I can see why, Dusseldorf was chock-o-block with expensive suits and Louis Vuitton handbags. Chainstores with designer titles lined the streets and restaurants served crap for hefty fees.
We weren't mad about it, but the one thing I loved about Dusseldorf was these huge fern/tree combos that seemed to be on every street corner! They were lovely! We also ripped our (open) sun roof off going into a public car park which is just the biggest pain in the ass... I mean Birdy has little leaks here and there (like any old lady i suppose!) but this has added a whole new level to the water problem! Although I have to say I love a challenge and so yesterday I got up on the roof and did a good enough job on fixing the roof with heavy duty black bags and duck tape.
This picture was taken when we got back from a day in Amsterdam, to find our canopy had blown down... We had also just collected our laundry so don't mind the mess!!!

Ladybird in her homeland...

The germans are very proud of volkswagen, and so they should be. Volkswagens are well built cars that last. They are obviously everywhere over here, along with the Merc and the Audis! So Ladybird fits right in...

...and she is well received! We attract attention of course, but unlike the med or even at home when the attention is a little over the top sometimes - see article here, here in Germany it is a little nod of appreciation, a wave, a smile or a thumbs up. My favorite is the mouthed "Good for you" that we get in traffic and one man who shouted "she is alive and beautiful, thank you!"

Funnily we have yet to see another t2 on the road, we've driven across Germany now and not one passed us! But I'm sure they are out there, peeping through the trees, wondering at this pretty foreigner steaming past... is that a wolf whistle I hear?

Frankfurter anyone?

There are no campsites, that we could find, in Frankfurt. So since we had a tip from Fergal regarding Etap hotels, we stayed in one of those for the night! The Etap is a low budget hotel, basic rooms (no more than a ferry cabin really!) - its a fantastic idea! For 49 euro ( the same price as our campsite in Florence) we got the four of us a comfy bed, a hot shower and tv for the night!
You could do a car tour of Europe and use Etaps all the way, they are so reasonable. Every room has a double bed and a single bunk, and are very comfortable. The thing that we loved as well was they have no keys, and no reception! When you arrive you tap your booking reference into a computer at the gate and it gives you a pin number that you use to get into the building and your room! There are vending machine snacks too so you don't have to deal with humans at all! (which is great sometimes!)

Ich liebe dich, Nuremberg!

I had expected the Germany of my imagination and was disappointed in Munich, but I got what I wanted in Nuremberg...

Nuremberg was right up my street, so we wandered about hers...

It is the most picture perfect place, with flower sellers and fruit markets on the streets, a hundred and one clock shops, Sausages on every corner, wonderful buildings and amazing sculptures... ...and music everywhere...

Nuremberg we love you... we'll definatley be back!

Doppleganger!

What actress would you say I think this girl is the image of?

I couldn't resist taking her picture!

Drive with us on the Autobahn...

Turns out I'm a speed junky (by proxy of course) - I'd never have the nerve to go as fast as they do on the autobahn in Germany but I loved watching them zoom by!

I wish you could have been there! Oh but wait you can be!!

Driving in a vintage VW part two...

Little tips for you if you are ever driving along in a campervan...

1) If in Traffic, on a steep hill, try not to flood the engine. This may result in you sitting in afore mentioned campervan, in the stinking heat, for a long time, until you get a grip and stop trying too quickly to start it again. Remember, take a little break, read war and peace for example, then its ignition to start and foot to the floor - DON'T PUMP IT NO MATTER HOW ANNOYED YOU ARE!!!

2) If driving around Dusseldorf looking for parking, be careful not to enter one of the underground carparks there. This may result in you ripping your F*$&king sunroof off on the low ceiling as you go down the ramp. This may mean you are forced to climb onto the roof and stick plastic bags over the "i-used-to-be-a-sunroof-now-i-am-a-hole" to avoid smaller people getting wet in the rain.

3) Remember turning a vw campervan is like turning a boat, you need to take it slowly and give yourself plenty of time to get around those bends. Not following this advice may result in ones wife type person screaming with fear and losing her ice cream out the window.

Driving in a Vintage VW part one

Okay, picture this, you are walking through your local park when you see a guy on rollerblades being pulled along by six huge husky dogs! His eyes are streamin from the speed, his hair is flying and a huge grin is on his face. You shout "Yeh" and catch his eye, "You go man!".

Or you are sitting on the beach when a huge kite comes by pulling two surfers along in the water, they are going the speed of light, screaming with delight. You scream too, its exciting to see - what daredevils they are...

Okay last scenario, you are driving along a motorway when you see an old volkswagen campervan, with a family inside. They are not going particularly fast, they look relaxed and peaceful. So why on earth do you drive up along side and start to scream "YEH YEH HIPPY WOOOOOOO GO MAN" in their window for ten minutes? Give them a surfers wave and yell "RAD MAN"?

What is that about?

Ice Bear Baby!

The german for Polar Bear is Ice Bear... So when we heard excited shrieks of "ICE BEAR BABY!" we followed the crowd...

There he was, a gorgeous cub! About 6 months old and already the size of a horse!

Cow Whisperer...

Joe shows off his fluent cow-ese...